Twin Pregnancy and Pre-term Labor: When and Why to Speak Up.

This is a topic I've grown extremely passionate about through my pregnancy journeys'. We, as women, spend a lot of time worrying about everyone else, but often don't pay enough attention to ourselves. When we are pregnant our bodies are flooded with hormones and our intuition is on high alert, so when we question things and receive a response from our doctor like "that's very normal" our first response is to quiet our internal voice. In my experience, it's absolutely terrifying to be the sole provider of answers to questions during pregnancy, specifically a first pregnancy. We've never done this before and our default is set to 'this must be normal'. We are not experts and I think we tend to steer away from additional inquiry because this journey is SO foreign to us, and we (for some reason) don't want to 'bug', 'interrupt' or 'annoy' our healthcare providers. During our twin pregnancy I visited labor and delivery in advance of my girls' births over 10 times due to what I perceived as pre-term labor signs. Each time they stopped labor or took additional precautions, to keep those babies in. I continued to have a tremendous amount of guilt around this, like I was some sort of legendary, 'oh here she is again' pregnant patient. Hindsight is always 20/20, but at least for me, I wasn't sure I had done the right thing by wobbling in to the labor and delivery unit at all hours, repeatedly, until after I was validated. It wasn't until after the girls were born at 36 weeks that I heard my doctor say, 'great job listening to your body'. I'm pretty sure my response was 'really??'  I know now that he had said it numerous times but I didn't hear it because I was so stinking concerned about the impression I was making on the nurses and others.  I'm not proposing that every mom become irrationally demanding, but what I am proposing is that we recognize that we are the only people that can advocate for our unborn children during pregnancy - here's 10 tips on when and why to speak up:  

1. Only YOU know what you are feeling. Communicate what you are feeling, be specific. We often think that the doctors we meet with regularly will somehow know through a brief description what is going on. We may say, "I have a bit of pain in the right side of my abdomen." Some doctors may default to 'that's normal' but what they don't know is that when we said 'bit of pain' we meant stabbing, unnerving pain and when he doctor says 'that's normal' we feel frustrated with the doctor but really 'a bit of pain' may be normal, 'stabbing pain in a specific spot' may not. The doctor ONLY has what you are telling him/her to go off of - make sure what you are relaying translates to what you are feeling.
   
2. Worrying Sucks, why spend time worrying if you don't have to? If you don't get the answer you want, ask again. Stress plays a HUGE role in well-being, both physical and mental. I hear so many stories about women that are told news and sent for follow up, in many instances the follow up may not be scheduled for a week later. If you are a mom who's had a doctor say something like, " there's something we want to take a closer look at, I've made you an appointment with the ultrasound lab for next Wednesday (and it's Thursday)" you know that the next 7 days of your life are going to be if not unbearable, completely draining. Ladies, there is no rule that says you can't ask for (demand) an earlier appointment. It is likely that if there is this span of time between appointments that the doctor is not actually worried but instead taking a precaution and everything is likely just fine, but that doesn't change the fact that from the moment your doctor told you that your mind started racing and you can't focus on anything else because you are worried about your child. If 7 days is too long for you, be honest with your doctor tell him or her that you can't wait that long and ask for an earlier appointment.
   
3. You are a mom now, and you have a mother's intuition. Follow your gut. You are a mom now (even though that baby is still tucked snuggly in your uterus), whether you realize it or not you have superhuman powers called intuition that supersedes modern medicine...really.  Again, let me remind you that NO ONE can feel what you are feeling and no one can feel your baby the way you do. If you feel like something is not right tell your doctor and ASK for whatever you need until you receive enough information to put your mind at ease.
   
4. Receptionists are not doctors, they can't even play them on TV. Don't take a 'no' from someone who can't give you a 'yes.'  I won't say too much more about this one, but seriously if you have a medical concern, make sure you get an answer from a medical professional.
   
5. Healthcare is a service YOU ARE PAYING FOR! I'm not sure why, but we tend to be less demanding with our health than we are with a dress that doesn't fit correctly. Ladies, we are paying either directly or indirectly for healthcare. Having a baby is an expensive venture! Would you settle for a dress that didn't fit? Rude customer service from the cable company? NO! I think we somehow feel like we are at the mercy of healthcare providers because we need them, and we do....but if we receive poor service or get an answer that no one is willing to explain we somehow accept it. DON'T! Your body, your baby, your money! Remember it is your CHOICE who you entrust these things to. A great relationship with ANYONE who provides a service is built on trust, healthcare should be no different.
   
6. Educate yourself. You cannot learn more from Dr. Google than your doctor knows, so begin by being aware of that. What you can do is constructive research to educate yourself on whatever you are curious about, public forums (FB groups, Babycenter, etc) are a great place to start. They are filled with moms just like you who have been there done that and man who are looking for the same answers you are. While it's important to steer clear of self diagnosis, it is a way to invest in understanding what is happening to your body. It will also arm you with enough information to ask educated questions.
   
7. Be patient, or not. I think it's so ironic that we are called 'patients' when under a physicians care and I don't think it is without reason. The definition of patient (v.)  is 'to endure what is difficult or disagreeable without complaining.' I can agree with this to a certain extent, we need to remember that a Dr.'s capabilities are not defined by his/her waiting room time but otherwise their skill. Visiting an OBGYN is specifically interesting because babies don't always arrive on schedule and are hard to 'plan for.' I can only imagine that this causes some scheduling issues for these docs that devote their lives to delivering little's into this world.  I had the opportunity to see a doctor that was very contentious with time, Often I would receive a phone call that said, Dr. X had to deliver a baby today - would you be able to reschedule your appointment to 3pm?  I would always do the best I could to say YES. Only occasionally did I find myself having elongated waits in the waiting room, but I often thought that there must be a reason. Someone, at some point in the day, needed the Dr. for something more important or urgent than a 'routine check' and for that reason I did my very best to be patient. The flip side of this is that if you find yourself being overly patient when you believe it could be urgent and you should be the one in the spotlight. In these instances, don't be patient, speak up - we may get angry because we feel like we're not being heard but really it is most likely that the Dr. simply doesn't know that we think it's urgent. If it's urgent and you need an answer - act like it, don't be a sitting duck. If you're frustrated because you're stuck in a waiting room and you have a dinner date - chill a bit, this act of patience is likely for good reason and is probably the best unofficial parenting class you will attend. Patience is the name of the game once your little arrives.
   
8. These providers are at work, they've seen it all. I'm certain that there is nothing that you can say or do that they haven't seen before. Throw humility out the window and recognize the world is filled with all sorts of people and lots of people WAY crazier than you could dream of being.
   
9. They are there to help. The units are open 24x7 and they have dedicated their lives because they care. Nobody goes to school that long or gives up their nights if they don't care. If you feel it's needed, let them take care of you.
   
10. That big baby bump contains people: The most important people in your life, your children. Bugging anyone, at any hour, is something we would do for our children so don't be shy just because they're still a part of you.